Mixing some humor in with your positive contributions can set the mood perfectly, which is why we have gathered all the best short funny positive quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny positive quotes for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Short Funny Positive Quotes
“Reality continues to ruin my life.” ― Bill Watterson
“True love is the best thing in the world, except for cough drops.” – William Goldman
“If you can’t be kind, at least be vague.” ― Judith Martin
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.” — Hans Christian Andersen
“Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t do something. Especially not yourself.” —Mindy Kaling
“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain
“I generally avoid temptation unless I can’t resist it.” ― Mae West
“Working hard is important. But there is something that matters more, believing yourself.” — Harry Potter
“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning and you think, ‘I’m not going to make it’, but you laugh inside remembering all the times you’ve felt that way.” — Charles Bukowski
“A clear conscience is a sure sign of a bad memory.” — Mark Twain
“Life isn’t finding shelter in the storm. It’s about learning to dance in the rain.” — Sherrilyn Kenyon
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
“A day without laughter is a day wasted.” – Charlie Chaplin
“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing.” – Winnie the Pooh
“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” –Chinese Proverb
“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl S. Bailey
“When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” — Mark Twain
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
“I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened.” — Will Rogers
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” ― Noel Coward
“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.” — Bill Watterson
“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.”—Confucius
“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” — Anaïs Nin
“Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one.” — Terry Pratchett
“Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me… I’ll laugh at you.”
“You do not find the happy life. You make it.” —Thomas S. Monson
“People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” — Sophia Petrillo, “The Golden Girls”
“Children are happy because they don’t have a file in their minds called “All the Things That Could Go Wrong.” – Marianne Williamson
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.” — Frank Zappa
“One small positive thought can change your whole day.” – Zig Ziglar
“As I learned from growing up, you don’t mess with your grandmother.” — Prince William
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, try sleeping with a mosquito.” – Dalai Lama
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.” – H. L. Mencken
“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn
“My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” — Garry Shandling
“Turn every life situation into a positive one.” – Rhonda Byrne
“You have to train your brain to be positive just like you work out your body.” – Shawn Achor
“I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying.” — Shawshank Redemption
“Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” – Benjamin Franklin
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.” ― George Carlin
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler
“I am an early bird and a night owl… so I am wise and I have worms.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey
“A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.” — Willy Wonka
“Love conquers all things except poverty and toothache.” – Mae West
“In a world that wants women to whisper, I choose to yell.” – Luvvie Ajayi
“Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem.” — Captain Jack Sparrow
“Don’t wait, the time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill
“Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny.” – Stephen Hawking
“I never dreamed about success. I worked for it.” —Estée Lauder
“The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.” – Will Rogers
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.” — Dave Barry
“Be happy. It really annoys negative people.” – Ricky Gervais
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” – Lucille Ball
“You never fail until you stop trying.” – Albert Einstein
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs…one step at a time.” —Joe Girard
“Whoever said that money can’t buy happiness, simply didn’t know where to go shopping.” ― Bo Derek
“If you don’t have wrinkles, you haven’t laughed enough.” — Phyllis Diller
“Don’t be like the rest of them darling.” —Coco Chanel
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown
“When life gives you lemons, order the lobster tail.” – Ziad K. Abdelnour
“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” – Albert Einstein
“You can if you think you can.” – George Reeves
“Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses.” – Thomas Dewar
“Happiness is a warm puppy.” – Charles M. Schulz
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” – Abraham Lincoln
“Happiness is not doing fun things. Happiness is doing meaningful things.” – Maxime Lagacé
“Life is short. Be silly. Have fun. Regret nothing.” – Karen Salmansohn
“Love is like pi – natural, irrational, and very important.” – Lisa Hoffman
“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
“Here is a test to find whether your mission on earth is finished— If you’re alive it isn’t.” — Richard Bach
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
“I’m not insane. My mother had me tested.” —Sheldon Cooper
“All you need is love. But a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt.” – Charles Schulz
“The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.” —Florence Nightingale
“I cannot afford to waste my time making money.” — Louis Agassiz
“Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.” – Albert Einstein
“Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese.” ― Luis Buñuel
“You grow up the day you have your first real laugh — at yourself.” — Ethel Barrymore
“People can’t drive you crazy if you don’t give them the keys.” —Mike Bechtle
“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson
“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover
“What the world really needs is more love and less paperwork.” – Pearl Bailey
“Always go to other people’s funerals, otherwise they won’t come to yours.” ― Yogi Berra
“Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.” ― Ogden Nash
“You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can’t possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.” — Sam Levenson
“If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” —Katharine Hepburn
“Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.” — Oscar Wilde
“If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?” – Lily Tomlin
“The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.” — Terry Pratchett
“Don’t worry about the world coming to an end today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.” — Charles Schulz
“I’m not superstitious … but I am a little stitious.” — Michael Scott, “The Office”
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“See the world like a big wardrobe. Everybody has his own costume. There is only one that fits you perfectly.” — George Harris
“If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.”– Milton Berle
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
“If a cluttered desk is a sign of a cluttered mind, of what, then, is an empty desk a sign?” — Albert Einstein
“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” – Confucius
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Life is good. Or at least, it’s always interesting.” – Joss Stone
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” — Dr. Seuss
“Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that’s troublesome.” ― Isaac Asimov
“I’d far rather be happy than right any day.” – Douglas Adams
“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
“Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.” — Thomas Edison
“Be happy, it drives people crazy.” — Paulo Coelho
“People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.” – A. A. Milne
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
“You go in with a positive attitude and stay there.” – Shelley Long
“If you want something said, ask a man. If you want something done, ask a woman.” — Margaret Thatcher
“oh, yes, the past can hurt. But you can either run from it or learn from it.” — Rafiki, “the Lion King”
“We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” – Oscar Wilde
“Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway.“ — Robert Downey Jr.
“Every morning is a revolution against the darkness.” ― Mehmet Murat Ildan
“Aspire to inspire before we expire.” — Eugene Bell Jr.
“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler
“I am only human, although I regret it.” – Mark Twain
“It’s almost always possible to be honest and positive.” – Naval Ravikant
“It’s not your job to be likeable. It’s your job to be yourself. Someone will like you anyway.” —Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
“Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.” ― Oscar Wilde
“When you do not know what you are doing and what you are doing is the best — that is inspiration.” — Robert Bresson
“Just for the record darling, not all positive change feels positive in the beginning.” —S. C. Lourie
“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain
“Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.” — Franklin P. Jones
“I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken.” – H. Kyle Seale
“Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda
“Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” – George Burns
“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe
“Haters are just confused admirers because they can’t figure out the reason why everyone loves you.” — Jeffree Star
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright
“There is no sunrise so beautiful that it is worth waking me up to see it.” — Mindy Kaling
“To succeed in life, you need three things: a wishbone, a backbone, and a funny bone.” — Reba McEntire
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
“If you let your head get too big, it’ll break your neck.” — Elvis Presley
“The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much.” – William Hazlitt
“It isn’t where you came from. It’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald
“It takes less time to do things right than to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.”” – Nick Maley
“I intend to live forever. So far, so good.” – Steven Wright
“Life is a shipwreck but we must not forget tossing in the lifeboats.” — Voltaire
“If you are positive, you’ll see opportunities instead of obstacles.” – Widad Akrawi
“A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.” — Steve Martin
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” — John Lennon
“Always laugh when you can, it is cheap medicine.” — Lord Byron
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing — that’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
“Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.” — Redd Foxx
“Anyone who takes himself too seriously always runs the risk of looking ridiculous; anyone who can consistently laugh at himself does not.” — Vaclav Havel
“If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball.” — Patches O’Houlihan
“The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” — Lucille Ball
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright
“Instant gratification takes too long.” ― Carrie Fisher
“Once you know who you are, you don’t have to worry anymore.” —Nikki Giovanni
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
“To be stupid, selfish, and have good health are three requirements for happiness, though if stupidity is lacking, all is lost.” – Gustave Flaubert
“No one has ever become poor by giving.” – Anne Frank
“I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that!” – Tom Lehrer
“Be nice to nerds. You may end up working for them. We all could.” — Charles J. Sykes
“Everything is figureoutable.”— Marie Forleo
“When life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade and then try to find someone whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.” — Ron White
“Positive energy knows no boundaries.” – Lu Wei
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams
“Hating people is like burning down your own home to get rid of a rat.” — Harry Emerson Fosdick
“Prediction is very difficult, especially about the futre.” – Niels Bohr
“Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“You can kid the world, but not your sister.” ― Charlotte Gray
“Remember, today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.” – Dale Carnegie
“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.” – Yogi Berra
“Old age is like everything else. To make a success of it, you’ve got to start young.” — Theodore Roosevelt
“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov
“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” —Yiddish Proverb
“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri
“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
So that is it for our list of Short Funny Positive Quotes. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
For more great ideas, check out our other lists of Hard Work Quotes, Short Encouraging Quotes and Funny Work Sayings.
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About the Author
Laynni Deir
I am Laynni Deir, writer and editor of Purely Lists. There are times when you are looking for inspiration or aren’t sure what to say and I am committed to providing lists of the best quotes, sayings, messages, puns or captions for any occasion. Whether you are looking for a positive quote, a message for a card, a fun saying for a letter board or caption for your next post or story, you will find the perfect option here.
The goal of Purely Lists is to provide a comprehensive and diverse set of lists to cover every situation from holidays and celebrations to uplifting quotes and general motivation. Whether you are looking for something deep and profound, funny and foolish or positive and encouraging, we strive to offer easy, fast and accessible options.