Thanksgiving is all about being social with family and friends, which often means joy and laughter, so we have gathered all the best funny thanksgiving quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny thanksgiving quotes for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Thanksgiving Quotes
“‘So what do we do?’ We do what all families do. Grin, bear it, and pass the mashed potatoes.” – Heather Brewer, Eleventh Grade Burns
I hope you have a great Thanksgiving (emphasis on the eat).
“After a good dinner one can forgive anybody, even one’s own relations.”—Oscar Wilde
Thanksgiving dinner was made all in a holi-day’s work.
Nobody puts gravy in the corner
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey—until Thanksgiving.”—Mike Connolly
“I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.” —Erma Bombeck
Don’t let any Thanksgiving turkey go to baste.
I was going to wish you a Happy Turkey Day, but I didn’t want to use any fowl language.
You gotta go all or stuffing on Thanksgiving.
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” —Irv Kupcinet
“There is no sincerer love than the love of food.”—George Bernard Shaw
Family may not see pie to pie, but we sure do love Thanksgiving.
Hoping your Thanksgiving is full of love and free of fowl play.
Current status: stuffed like a turkey
Here’s the one photo we got before the food coma hit…
“My fondest memories are generally the day after Thanksgiving.” – Katharine McPhee
The thing I’m most thankful for this year? That I’m not hosting Thanksgiving.
“Pie makes everybody happy.”—Laurie Halse Anderson
May everyone in your family gobble till they wobble this Thanksgiving.
“I can’t cook a Thanksgiving dinner. All I can make is cold cereal and maybe toast.”—Charlie Brown
Can you be-leaf that all this food is for Thanksgiving?
Fitness? More like fitness whole turkey in my mouth
“Thanksgiving, man. Not a good day to be my pants.” —Kevin James
“A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.”—Kin Hubbard
“On Thanksgiving Day we acknowledge our dependence.”—William Jennings Bryan
I cran and I will go back for seconds
“For those of you who cannot be with family this Thanksgiving, please resist the urge to brag.”—Andy Borowitz
There was no fowl play involved in the carving of this turkey.
We’re trading in the Christmas tree for poul-tree this year.
Not to get too corny, but this Thanksgiving food is amaizeing.
Hey, that turkey wishbone is doing its best—give it a break.
“Of all of the food filled holidays, Thanksgiving reigns king in the United States.” – Gia Scott
Can’t wait to feast my eyes on the dessert.
Happy Thanksgiving! May the food be delicious and the dinner conversation be civil.
Remember: Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, not your calories. Enjoy the holiday!
“Hope my relatives are getting along with the professional line sitter I hired to hold my place at the front of the Thanksgiving food line.” —John Lyon
A happy heart is a thankful heart
Because you know I’m all about that baste
“Overeating at Thanksgiving is a case in point. It’s a national tradition.” – Eric Samuel Timm
Don’t mess with us, or we’ll show you how we casser-roll.
“We began to view Thanksgiving as just another paid holiday.” – Shari MacDonald
We’re serving the turkey’s favorite dessert this year: peach gobbler!
It’s so easy to lose track of thyme during the holidays.
Happy Thanksgiving. Now, let’s get to the food.
Let’s get basted this Thanksgiving!
“Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie.” —Jim Davis
Family, turkey, and football — oh my!
Official occupation: couch potato
“When I started counting my blessings, my whole life turned around.” – Willie Nelson
There’s just pumpkin about the way you look tonight.
“You can tell you ate too much for Thanksgiving when you have to let your bathrobe out.”—Jay Leno
Me: “I can’t eat another bite!” Also me: “Did you say pie?”
Can someone pick up the turkey’s phone? It’s winging.
“It’s like being at the kids’ table at Thanksgiving – you can put your elbows on it, you don’t have to talk politic.” – John Hughes
My favorite genre of music is Plymouth rock n’ roll!
Hope your relatives stay relatively sober and relatively non-political this Turkey Day.
Feast your eyes on this glorious Thanksgiving spread.
If our turkey was in a band, he’d play the drumsticks.
This wine pairs well with a crazy family
Turkey Day is the moist wonderful time of the year.
A good Thanksgiving meal is the tur-key to my heart.
Winner, winner, turkey dinner
Are you already looking forward to that post-Thanksgiving nap? Yeah, so am I.
Don’t make fun of the turkey—it’s been roasted enough today.
Thankful, blessed, and mashed potato obsessed
Fitness? More like fitness whole turkey in my mouth
Oh, do you like the main course? Well, you haven’t seen stuffing yet.
“I suppose I will die never knowing what pumpkin pie tastes like when you have room for it.”—Robert Brault
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”—Stephen Colbert
Thanksgiving: A time to count blessings, not carbs
Everyone knows that Thanksgiving is my jam!
Because you know I’m all about that baste
Turkey and wine and I’m feeling fine
Will I eat leftovers for a week? I cran, and I will.
Casse-rollin’ with the fam!
There’s no need for a wine glass when you’ve got a gobble-let!
Touchdowns, tailgates, and turkey
Don’t forget to squash up for Thanksgiving dinner.
I don’t want to accuse anyone of fowl play, but there’s no more leftovers.
I’m so bready for all these carbs on Thanksgiving.
I always feel a lot butter on Thanksgiving.
“People who love to eat are always the best people. – Julia Child
Dessert after the meal is the tur-key to my heart.
What comes first: The poul-tree or the Christmas tree.
“I like football. It’s a great way to avoid conversation with your family at Thanksgiving.”—Craig Ferguson
There’s pumpkin about Thanksgiving that I love so much.
Let’s get basted!
“Thanksgiving—when the people who are the most thankful are the ones who didn’t have to cook. – Melanie White
Don’t let the holidays gobble up your sanity.
“Thanksgiving is so called because we are all so thankful that it only comes once a year.” – P.J. O’Rourke
You’ve foiled my plans for taking home leftovers.
“Turkey for the girls and Turkey for the boys. Gobble gobble goo and Gobble gobble gickel.” – Adam Sandler, The Thanksgiving Song
“Even though we’re a week and a half away from Thanksgiving, it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.” —Richard Roeper
Don’t let the turkey fool you. He’s got a baste of spades in his giblets.
This turkey is thankful for vegetarians.
“If you think about a Thanksgiving dinner, it’s really like making a large chicken.”—Ina Garten
“Cooking Tip: Wrap turkey leftover in aluminum foil and throw them out.”—Nicole Hollander
“You know that just before the first Thanksgiving there was one wise old Native American woman saying, “Don’t feed them. If you feed them, they’ll never leave.”—Dylan Brody
The only ice cream Pilgrims can eat is rocky road.
Thanksgiving: A time to count blessings, not carbs
This turkey will make you fowl with delight.
I’m riding the gravy train to being stuffed.
Thanksgiving is here, and I cran-barely contain my excitement. Hope you have a great Turkey Day.
Goodness gracious, great gobbles of fire!
Hey, I’m just grateful I’m not the turkey. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thankful for elastic waistbands
Birds of a feather flock together
The only thing corny about Thanksgiving is cornbread.
We’re really plucky to have a great turkey this Thanksgiving.
“The Thanksgiving tradition is, we overeat.” —Jim Gaffigan
“Here I am, 5 o’clock in the morning, stuffing bread crumbs up a dead bird’s butt.” – Rosanne in Rosanne
“It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.” —Phyllis Diller
I love when you talk turkey to me.
I’m thankful to have a family who takes eating as seriously as I do
“Thanksgiving was nothing more than a pilgrim-created obstacle in the way of Christmas.” – Augusten Burroughs
This turkey is all carved up! Do you suspect fowl play?
“My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.” – Phyllis Diller
Hope your Turkey Day is full of fun, food, family, and most importantly, football.
“I’m looking forward to seeing pie this Thanksgiving more than members of my own family.” – Damien Fahey
Cheers to a Thanksgiving that’s anything but fowl.
“Good mashed potato is one of the great luxuries of life.” —Lindsey Bareham
You can tell the gravy is excited because it’s all stirred up.
Don’t forget: Leftovers are for quitters. Cheers to a bountiful Thanksgiving!
Heard you finally made it to the adults table—about time!
“It’s not too much food. This is what we’ve been training for our whole lives.” – Lorelai Gilmore, Gilmore Girls
I hope your Thanksgiving is as sweet as pumpkin pie.
“I know what I’m having for Thanksgiving and it ain’t turkey.” – Anthony T. Hincks
You could say I’m into fitness—as in, fitness scoop of mashed potatoes into my mouth.
“Thanksgiving is a time to count your blessings, one by one, as each relative goes home.” —Melanie White
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope your turkey—and your holiday—are stuffed with great things.
Please raise your gobble gobble goblets for a Thanksgiving toast!
Never fear, pumpkin-flavored everything is here!
“Most turkeys taste better the day after; my mother’s tasted better the day before.”—Rita Rudner
Turkey, gravy, beans and rolls. Let me see that casserole.
Don’t stare at the turkey dressing. You’ll make him blush!
“It’s Thanksgiving and we should not want to be together, together!”—Rachel Green, Friends
“What we’re really talking about is a wonderful day when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?” – Erma Bombeck
So that is it for our list of Funny Thanksgiving Quotes. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
For more great ideas, you can also check out our other lists of Funny Thanksgiving Sayings and Happy Thanksgiving Letter Board Quotes.
Pin it for later!
About the Author
Laynni Deir
I am Laynni Deir, writer and editor of Purely Lists. There are times when you are looking for inspiration or aren’t sure what to say and I am committed to providing lists of the best quotes, sayings, messages, puns or captions for any occasion. Whether you are looking for a positive quote, a message for a card, a fun saying for a letter board or caption for your next post or story, you will find the perfect option here.
The goal of Purely Lists is to provide a comprehensive and diverse set of lists to cover every situation from holidays and celebrations to uplifting quotes and general motivation. Whether you are looking for something deep and profound, funny and foolish or positive and encouraging, we strive to offer easy, fast and accessible options.