Adding a bit of fun and laughter to the workplace can really improve the mood, so we have gathered all the best short funny work quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny work sayings for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Short Funny Work Quotes and Sayings
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” — Rita Rudner
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan
“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” –Chinese Proverb
“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” – Confucius
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” — Gordon B. Hinckley
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
“Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” — Zig Ziglar
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” — Jarod Kintz
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow
Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.
“A lot of hard work is hidden behind nice things.” — Ralph Lauren
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” — Ted Turner
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder
You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.
“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
“Many of life’s failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas Edison
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“Things don’t have to change the world to be important” – Steve Jobs
And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work.
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” — Sam Ewing
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” — Groucho Marx
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” — Larry Winget
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” — Michel Tournier
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“Everything is figureoutable.”— Marie Forleo
“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” – Winnie the Pooh
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe
“People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.” —
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” — Bove’s Theorem
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
Whenever I work hard for other people, I always sleep on an empty stomach.
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
“Luck is great, but most of life is hard work.” — Iain Duncan Smith
“Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda
“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“Work harder than you think you did yesterday.” — Alex Elle
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” — Al Capp
“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri
“The best weeks start on Monday.” — Nice Peter
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” — Orson Scott Card
“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey
“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” —Yiddish Proverb
“Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” — Joey Adams
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown
“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer
“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” — Fats Domino
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones
“Men die of boredom, psychological conflict and disease. They do not die of hard work.” — David Ogilvy
“Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” — Liz Grossman Kitoyi
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work.” — William Faulkner
Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” — John Ciardi
“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.
“I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” — Anthony T. Hincks
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” — Phil Pastoret
“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
“The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.” — George Bernard Shaw
“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.” — Archie Bunker
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” — Muhammad Ali
Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!
“Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” — Vikrmn
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” — Kin Hubbard
“You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.”” – Nick Maley
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” — David Ogilvy
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
The hardest work of all is to do nothing.
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.” — Bill Watterson
The king inherits a country — the people only hard work.
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” — Sir Claus Moser
“By changing nothing, nothing changes.” – Tony Robbins
“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn
It is hard work to be the mother of many pigs.
“Aspire to inspire before we expire.” — Eugene Bell Jr.
“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
“Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning.” — Malcolm Gladwell
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.” — G.K. Neilson
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright
“I’ve got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end.” — Larry Bird
“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” — Viktor VolksPrater
“It isn’t where you came from. It’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends.” — Julio Alexi Genao
“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” — George Herbert
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” — Ogden Nash
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” — Earl Nightingale
“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” ― Noel Coward
“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson
Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.
“If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.” — Michelangelo
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
So that is it for our list of Short Funny Work Quotes and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
For more great ideas, check out our other lists of Short Farewell Messages for Coworkers, Congratulations Quotes and I Miss You Quotes.
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About the Author
Laynni Deir
I am Laynni Deir, writer and editor of Purely Lists. There are times when you are looking for inspiration or aren’t sure what to say and I am committed to providing lists of the best quotes, sayings, messages, puns or captions for any occasion. Whether you are looking for a positive quote, a message for a card, a fun saying for a letter board or caption for your next post or story, you will find the perfect option here.
The goal of Purely Lists is to provide a comprehensive and diverse set of lists to cover every situation from holidays and celebrations to uplifting quotes and general motivation. Whether you are looking for something deep and profound, funny and foolish or positive and encouraging, we strive to offer easy, fast and accessible options.