All work and no play doesn’t have to make you dull, these funny work quotes can help you combine the two. Here we have put together a list of all the best funny work quotes for you to share. And if you’re looking for short funny work sayings for Instagram, we also have you covered.
Now go ahead and browse through to find your favorite.
Funny Work Quotes and Sayings
“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.” — Arthur Baer
“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.” — Charles Lamb
People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day!
“A lot of hard work is hidden behind nice things.” — Ralph Lauren
“Nothing is impossible. The word itself says “I’m possible!” – Audrey Hepburn
“By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.” — Robert Frost
“And remember, no matter where you go, there you are.” – Confucius
“Things don’t have to change the world to be important” – Steve Jobs
“Bad decisions make good stories.” — Ellis Vidler
“Early to bed and early to rise probably indicates unskilled labor.” — John Ciardi
“The only thing that ever sat its way to success was a hen.” — Sarah Brown
“If you don’t know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.” — Yogi Berra
“I can’t work with idiots. That’s why I work from home and got rid of all the mirrors.” — Anthony T. Hincks
“There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.” — David Letterman
“Procrastinate now, don’t put it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
Getting paid to sleep… that’s my dream job.
“It is better to have one person working with you than three people working for you.” — Dwight D. Eisenhower
“Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.” — Robert Orben
“A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don’t have a J.O.B.” — Fats Domino
“Remember, the only taste of success some people get is to take a bite out of you.” — Zig Ziglar
“If my boss knew how unproductive I am on Fridays, he wouldn’t want me here either.” — James Johnson
“The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one.” — Oscar Wilde
“I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.” — Jerome K. Jerome
And although I like to relax and have fun, my passion is my work.
“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.” — Claude McDonald
“Executive ability is deciding quickly and getting somebody else to do the work.” — Earl Nightingale
“You can’t live an exceptional life by being “normal.”” – Nick Maley
“Education cost money. But then again so does ignorance.” — Sir Claus Moser
“The truly rich are those who enjoy what they have.” —Yiddish Proverb
After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says WTF.
“Anyone who can walk to the welfare office can walk to work.” — Al Capp
“The reward for good work is more work.” — Francesca Elisia
“Work is the greatest thing in the world, so we should always save some of it for tomorrow.” — Don Herold
“Why do people say they wish every day was Friday? If it was always Friday, we’d be here every freakin’ day.” — Ed Bernard
You will never plough a field if you only turn it over in your mind.
“When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.” — Cathy Guisewite
“Nobody ever wrote down a plan to be broke, fat lazy, or stupid. Those things are what happen when you didn’t have a plan.” — Larry Winget
“People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.” — Ogden Nash
“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin
“Find a job you like and you add five days to every week.” — H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Many of life’s failures are experiences by people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” — Thomas Edison
“If you think you are too small to be effective, you have never been in the dark with a mosquito.” — Betty Reese
“By changing nothing, nothing changes.” – Tony Robbins
“Where people aren’t having fun, they seldom produce good work.” — David Ogilvy
“To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.” – Ashleigh Brilliant
“It takes less time to do a thing right, than it does to explain why you did it wrong.” — Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
“If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he was any smarter.” — John Gotti
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” – Lily Tomlin
“Luck is great, but most of life is hard work.” — Iain Duncan Smith
“Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.” – Mark Twain
“An expert is a man who has made all the mistakes which can be made in a very narrow field.” — Niels Bohr
“Men die of boredom, psychological conflict and disease. They do not die of hard work.” — David Ogilvy
“Successful people are not gifted; they just work hard, then succeed on purpose.” — G.K. Neilson
“The bad news is time flies. The good news is you’re the pilot.” – Michael Altshuler
“Confidence is 10% work and 90% delusion.” – Tina Fey
“It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare.” — Benjamin Dover
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.” — George Carlin
“When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: ‘Whose?’” — Don Marquis
“What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” — Phyllis Diller
“No man goes before his time—unless the boss leaves early.” — Groucho Marx
“There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?” — Kin Hubbard
“I work for myself, which is fun. Except when I call in sick, I know I’m lying.” — Rita Rudner
“You’re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn’t lose it.” — Robin Williams
“Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.” — Marilyn Monroe
“I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.” — Lily Tomlin
“If people knew how hard I worked to achieve my mastery, it wouldn’t seem so wonderful after all.” — Michelangelo
“I’m an optimist, but an optimist who carries a raincoat.” – Harold Wilson
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The problem is they want a week’s pay for it.” — Joey Adams
“Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there.” — Will Rogers
“Don’t underestimate the value of Doing Nothing, of just going along, listening to all the things you can’t hear, and not bothering.” – Winnie the Pooh
“Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door.” — Kyle Chandler
Frederick Douglass
I hate when I lose things at work, like pens, papers, sanity and dreams.
The hardest work of all is to do nothing.
“If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.” — Billy Wilder
“The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.” – Abraham Lincoln
Like vinegar to the teeth, and smoke to the eyes, so are the lazy to their employers.
“Be like a postage stamp. Stick to a thing till you get there.” — Josh Billings
“If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work.” — Woody Allen
“If A equals success, then the formula is A = X + Y + Z. Where X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.” — Albert Einstein
“Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost.” — Ellen DeGeneres
“I’m a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it.” — Thomas Jefferson
“A baseball game is twice as much fun if you’re seeing it on the company’s time.” — William C. Feather
“Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” — Tom Lehrer
“When in doubt, throw doubt out and have a little faith….” – E.A. Bucchianeri
“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” — Elbert Hubbard
“Don’t work from bed. You want your bed to be a place of peace and calm, not work stress.” — Liz Grossman Kitoyi
“Without hard work, nothing grows but weeds.” — Gordon B. Hinckley
“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.” — Bove’s Theorem
“Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.” –Chinese Proverb
“So. Monday. We meet again. We will never be friends.” — Julio Alexi Genao
I believe in hard work. But, it will take some time to make this ‘believe’ into a real thing!
“Thursday comes and the week’s gone.” — George Herbert
“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.” – Winston Churchill
“People who never do any more than they get paid for, never get paid for any more than they do.” — Elbert Hubbard
It is hard work to be the mother of many pigs.
“People might not get all they work for in this world, but they must certainly work for all they get.” —
“Every morning, I wake up saying, ‘I’m still alive, a miracle.’ And so I keep on pushing.” — Jim Carrey
“It’s a shame that the only thing a man can do for eight hours a day is work.” — William Faulkner
“I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.” — Oscar Wilde
The king inherits a country — the people only hard work.
“It’s just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up.” — Muhammad Ali
“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?” — Edgar Bergen
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job, because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.” — Bill Gates
“The closest to perfection a person ever comes is when he fills out a job application form.” — Stanley J. Randall
“Hard work is a prison sentence only if it does not have meaning.” — Malcolm Gladwell
“Work harder than you think you did yesterday.” — Alex Elle
“If you think you are too small to make a difference, then try sleeping with a mosquito.” — Dalai Lama
“Everything is figureoutable.”— Marie Forleo
“If you must have motivation, think of your paycheck on Friday.” ― Noel Coward
“The elevator to success is out of order. You’ll have to use the stairs… one step at a time.” — Joe Girard
“Ambition is a poor excuse for not having sense enough to be lazy.” — Charlie McCarthy
“I don’t like Mondays, especially if they occur on Fridays.” — Jarod Kintz
“The British soldier can stand up to anything except the British War Office.” — George Bernard Shaw
“Work is against human nature. The proof is that it makes us tired.” — Michel Tournier
“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called everybody, and they meet at the bar.” — Drew Carey
“My son is now an ‘entrepreneur.’ That’s what you’re called when you don’t have a job.” — Ted Turner
“Home-work grew-up and became work-from-home.” — Vikrmn
“You can’t have a million dollar dream with a minimum wage worth ethic.” — Zig Ziglar
“A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.” — Zig Ziglar
“Unemployment is capitalism’s way of getting you to plant a garden.” — Orson Scott Card
My keyboard must be broken, I keep hitting the escape key, but I’m still at work.
“The problem with doing nothing is that you never know when you’re finished.” — Groucho Marx
“In fifty years, he never worked a day. To him, nine to five was odds on a horse.” — Archie Bunker
“There’s power in looking silly and not caring that you do.” — Amy Poehler
“Aspire to inspire before we expire.” — Eugene Bell Jr.
“Everyday is Monday….till Friday.” — Viktor VolksPrater
“Never let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.” — Isaac Asimov
“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.” ― Leo Tolstoy
“The best weeks start on Monday.” — Nice Peter
“When I wake up in the morning, I feel like a billionaire without paying taxes.” – Ernie Banks
“Nothing is so embarrassing as watching someone do something that you said couldn’t be done.” — Sam Ewing
“Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.” – Mark Twain
“The taxpayer—that’s someone who works for the federal government but doesn’t have to take the civil service examination.” — Ronald Reagan
“Do or do not. There is no try. “ — Yoda
“I think Smithers picked me because of my motivational skills. Everyone says they have to work a lot harder when I’m around.” — Homer Simpson
“You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?” — Steven Wright
I always give 100% at Work: 10% Monday, 23% Tuesday, 40% Wednesday, 22% Thursday, and 5% Friday.
“It’s finally Friday, I’m free again. I got my motor running for a wild weekend.” — George Jones
“It isn’t where you came from. It’s where you’re going that counts.” – Ella Fitzgerald
“God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now, I am so far behind I will never die.” — Bill Watterson
My boss told me to start every presentation with a joke. The first slide was my paycheck.
“Well-behaved women seldom make history.” — Laurel Thatcher Ulrich
“One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory.” – Rita Mae Brown
Beat the 5 o’clock rush, leave work at noon.
“I’ve got a theory that if you give 100 percent all of the time, somehow things will work out in the end.” — Larry Bird
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” — Erma Bombeck
“I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.” — Henny Youngman
“I am a friend of the workingman, and I would rather be his friend, than be one.” — Clarence Darrow
“All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.” — Mark Twain
“Most of what we call management consists of making it difficult for people to get their work done.” — Peter Drucker
Pride, commitment and teamwork are words they use to get you to work for free.
“Leaders who don’t listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.” — Andy Stanley
“People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well neither does bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.” — Zig Ziglar
“Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.” – Steven Wright
“Doing nothing is very hard to do… you never know when you’re finished.” — Leslie Nielsen
“A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists.” – Don Marquis
“Don’t let schooling interfere with your education.” — Mark Twain
“Delegate your work. Stop spending dollar time on penny jobs.” — Mary Kay Ash
“Everything is funny, as long as it’s happening to somebody else.” – Will Rogers
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” — Robert Frost
“To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.” — Steven Wright
“Hear no evil, see no evil, and speak no evil—and you’ll never get a job working for a tabloid.” — Phil Pastoret
Whenever I work hard for other people, I always sleep on an empty stomach.
So that is it for our list of Funny Work Quotes and Sayings. We hope you found the perfect one for you!
For more great ideas, check out our other lists of Good Day Quotes and Good Night Captions.
Pin it for later!
About the Author
Laynni Deir
I am Laynni Deir, writer and editor of Purely Lists. There are times when you are looking for inspiration or aren’t sure what to say and I am committed to providing lists of the best quotes, sayings, messages, puns or captions for any occasion. Whether you are looking for a positive quote, a message for a card, a fun saying for a letter board or caption for your next post or story, you will find the perfect option here.
The goal of Purely Lists is to provide a comprehensive and diverse set of lists to cover every situation from holidays and celebrations to uplifting quotes and general motivation. Whether you are looking for something deep and profound, funny and foolish or positive and encouraging, we strive to offer easy, fast and accessible options.